Monday, January 23, 2012
Relatives and Their Idiocy
It wouldn't surprise me if some of my "relatives" or "family as they like to call themselves are reading this. So why don't I give them something else to talk about? After all, they do know everything about everything. Nurses and attorney's are now experts in GAAP (accounting) rules and also, more importantly, family relationships. Hmmmm, interesting.
First, GAAP rules do not apply when talking about a last will and testament. Look it up! Those rules apply to actual accounting processes, not the disclosure of finances. If one actually looked at the spreadsheet, there was no actual accounting process done. That was not the point. It was an informational spreadsheet only. Which, if the explanation that was given had been read thoroughly, was explained.
Second, poor me act, my ass. You are all unbelievable! It was explained that Tony had prepared the spreadsheet, she had just forwarded it on. It was other people who chose to belabor the point.
Third, it was explained during one of the first demands (yes, demands...not requests) for information that the "last illness" expenditures were accounting for dates from December until the passing in April. Therefore....not 6 years of expenditures. I would think a nurse would know the massive amount of money that is spent in a short amount of time for home health care. Of course, that depends on your nursing specialty....which, if I am not mistaken is not for end of life care.
Fourth, it was asked that all other demands for information go through the attorney. NOT anyone else, through the attorney. Although, since nothing else was respected in this whole process, why should that be respected as well. If the money truly doesn't matter, what the hell does it matter if you sign the stupid papers or not? Unless there is wording holding you personally liable for something, it doesn't matter. Of course, you could be lying. Imagine.
It's amazing how death brings out the best and the worst in people. There seems to be no middle ground. Family...as someone wise would say, "HA!". This isn't a family. Blood does not make a family. Clearly.
First, GAAP rules do not apply when talking about a last will and testament. Look it up! Those rules apply to actual accounting processes, not the disclosure of finances. If one actually looked at the spreadsheet, there was no actual accounting process done. That was not the point. It was an informational spreadsheet only. Which, if the explanation that was given had been read thoroughly, was explained.
Second, poor me act, my ass. You are all unbelievable! It was explained that Tony had prepared the spreadsheet, she had just forwarded it on. It was other people who chose to belabor the point.
Third, it was explained during one of the first demands (yes, demands...not requests) for information that the "last illness" expenditures were accounting for dates from December until the passing in April. Therefore....not 6 years of expenditures. I would think a nurse would know the massive amount of money that is spent in a short amount of time for home health care. Of course, that depends on your nursing specialty....which, if I am not mistaken is not for end of life care.
Fourth, it was asked that all other demands for information go through the attorney. NOT anyone else, through the attorney. Although, since nothing else was respected in this whole process, why should that be respected as well. If the money truly doesn't matter, what the hell does it matter if you sign the stupid papers or not? Unless there is wording holding you personally liable for something, it doesn't matter. Of course, you could be lying. Imagine.
It's amazing how death brings out the best and the worst in people. There seems to be no middle ground. Family...as someone wise would say, "HA!". This isn't a family. Blood does not make a family. Clearly.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Old and The New
The past few days have been an interesting time. As Grandma Thomas slowly fades from this life into the next, those of us that love her are not honoring her and her memory. I include myself in the "us". For me, my memories of Grandma are not always good memories. She has always had a certain way about her and if you did not toe the line in the way she felt you should (i.e. her way) she had no problem telling you this. Grandma was a controller at nature (I share this trait with her) and liked to control everything around her. This could be frustrating and annoying to say the least. However, the good memories of Grandma far outweigh the bad.
Grandma was constant. You always knew/know how things stood with Grandma. If you didn't know, she would tell you. Nothing changed. It has only been in the last year that the davenport (or couch/sofa for all you non-Thomas's), gold chair, and draperies have been changed...for the exact same pattern/color/style of davenport/gold chair/draperies. She was unchanging in not only her decor but her opinions and love for each of us. I remember being called honey most often, but my favorite endearment of her's was when she would call me "precious".
Grandma was loyal. Even when you knew you were in trouble with Grandma, she would defend you with her whole being to the rest of the world. She loved and fought and defended with her entire self for those of us who were lucky enough to be loved by her.
Grandma was a mother to all of us. Who doesn't remember the eggs and cornflakes (the most awesome breakfast ever for those who aren't in the know)? Each of us got the care packages with "such good information" that she had picked out for each of us. Many times I wondered what it was about me that inspired the AARP subscription when I graduated from high school, but she always had one or another of us in mind when she was picking out those articles/coloring pages/crossword puzzles. I remember spending hours at a little copy place off of Main Street in Bountiful copying hundreds of copies of the articles that she thought were so helpful. When my mother couldn't be a mother to me, Grandma was my mom. She would stand out back with David and myself and play ball, even though her bursitis in her knees would make her cramp up.
Grandma was a hysterically funny person, even without meaning to be. Every time she cussed around me she would immediately apologize. As I got older, that was one of the funniest things she would do. There was a little old man down the street that was about 6-8 years younger than her. He shovels her walks, takes out her garbage, and does little acts of service for her. One summer evening a few years ago, I was helping her in the kitchen and he came to the door with some vegetables from his garden. She thanked him and gave him a Shasta and a Little Debbie. After he left, she turned to me and worried, "I hope he didn't think I was getting fresh!" She was serious, and I was doubled over with laughter. She was well into her 90s at that point and he was in his late 80s. And I can't even count the times I was told to "Shut up" in that tone of hers that no one will be able to duplicate. Some favorite words: hush, egad, oh hell, any "80 years" comment, and shut up.
Grandma was an intensely private person, but would give someone in need the shirt of her back and tried so hard to help others. In all of my almost 34 years that I got to spend with her, I only heard her talk about 3 women that she considered friends. Even then, to this day, I still don't know their first names. There was Mrs. Treft (the next-door neighbor), and her 2 visiting teachers that faithfully served her for years. Every time I would call (which wasn't as often as I should have) or visit (again, not as often as I should have) I would ask how she was doing and after a cursory answer, she would immediately turn the conversation to me and how/what I was doing. Who of us can truly say that we truly knew Grandma? Other than things that I would hear from family, I can't say I feel like I knew her how I wanted to know her. Despite how private she was, she was always looking for people to help. Several years ago, Mom found that Grandma was sending money to many different charities (most of which were fraudulant...going to the same address in Las Vegas). She wanted to help though. At the same time, Mom also found that she was getting solicitations from many different "sweepstakes" companies that required a small cash amount (usuallly $10-$20) to enter her into the "sweepstakes". When Mom asked why she was entering, she started naming off members of her family that she felt could use the help. It wasn't for her, it was for all of us. Mom had to start monitoring the mail that day.
Every day for the past several years, my mother has gone at least once a day to Grandma's. She has taked care of the medication. She has made sure that she ate (on Friday she had to feed her, since Grandma could no longer grasp the fork). She has gone through most of the hundreds if not thousands of photographs trying to identify them for her. She took Grandma to hair appointments, doctors appointments, shopping. After Grandma couldn't leave the house without a great deal of effort and with a lot of pain, Mom found a doctor that would come to the house. She arranged the life alert button and was the one that they would call (at all hours) if Grandma had fallen. She would be the one to help Grandma up if she fell. She cleaned Grandma up if she had an accident. She is the one that Grandma would snap and snipe at as the dementia set in. She arranged for the hair appointment for Grandma each week. When Grandma's food tastes changed, she went to Subway for months on end and bought her club sandwich. Then when they changed again, she went to Carl's Jr. for their Chicken Club sandwich. Again for months on end. The only days that she didn't go to Grandma's was when either she or David were sick and she didn't want to expose Grandma. It has only been in the last couple of months that there has been a nurse there full time. She is the one that sat with Grandma each night and held her in the last months of her life. Grandma always loved that it was just the two of them and often commented that this was just how she wanted it to be....just the two of them. She is the one that put her to bed each night and tucked her in and stayed with her until she fell asleep. She is the one that made it possible for Grandma to die in her own house. She is Grandma's voice now. I commend her. After the life she lived in that house and with all of the memories, she is the constant that Grandma was. She is Grandma's daughter.
Those of us that love Grandma Thomas are dishonoring her and her memory. Again, I include myself in the "us". I would like to be there with Grandma and my mom. But that is me. This is not about me. This is about Grandma. I have never known my mother to be selfish. If she truly felt that Grandma would want us there, she would have us there despite what Mom wanted. I have my feeling of guilt...the should haves. But this is not the time or the place. I choose to honor my wonderful, spirited, not stubborn just knew her own mind Grandmother AND my mother by staying away and letting Grandma go the way she wanted to go.
I know we will all miss Grandma tremendously and grieve for the hole that she will leave in our lives. I love each member of my family and know my mom does too. I don't wish for there to be discord between any of us especially when we are all missing the same person.
Grandma was constant. You always knew/know how things stood with Grandma. If you didn't know, she would tell you. Nothing changed. It has only been in the last year that the davenport (or couch/sofa for all you non-Thomas's), gold chair, and draperies have been changed...for the exact same pattern/color/style of davenport/gold chair/draperies. She was unchanging in not only her decor but her opinions and love for each of us. I remember being called honey most often, but my favorite endearment of her's was when she would call me "precious".
Grandma was loyal. Even when you knew you were in trouble with Grandma, she would defend you with her whole being to the rest of the world. She loved and fought and defended with her entire self for those of us who were lucky enough to be loved by her.
Grandma was a mother to all of us. Who doesn't remember the eggs and cornflakes (the most awesome breakfast ever for those who aren't in the know)? Each of us got the care packages with "such good information" that she had picked out for each of us. Many times I wondered what it was about me that inspired the AARP subscription when I graduated from high school, but she always had one or another of us in mind when she was picking out those articles/coloring pages/crossword puzzles. I remember spending hours at a little copy place off of Main Street in Bountiful copying hundreds of copies of the articles that she thought were so helpful. When my mother couldn't be a mother to me, Grandma was my mom. She would stand out back with David and myself and play ball, even though her bursitis in her knees would make her cramp up.
Grandma was a hysterically funny person, even without meaning to be. Every time she cussed around me she would immediately apologize. As I got older, that was one of the funniest things she would do. There was a little old man down the street that was about 6-8 years younger than her. He shovels her walks, takes out her garbage, and does little acts of service for her. One summer evening a few years ago, I was helping her in the kitchen and he came to the door with some vegetables from his garden. She thanked him and gave him a Shasta and a Little Debbie. After he left, she turned to me and worried, "I hope he didn't think I was getting fresh!" She was serious, and I was doubled over with laughter. She was well into her 90s at that point and he was in his late 80s. And I can't even count the times I was told to "Shut up" in that tone of hers that no one will be able to duplicate. Some favorite words: hush, egad, oh hell, any "80 years" comment, and shut up.
Grandma was an intensely private person, but would give someone in need the shirt of her back and tried so hard to help others. In all of my almost 34 years that I got to spend with her, I only heard her talk about 3 women that she considered friends. Even then, to this day, I still don't know their first names. There was Mrs. Treft (the next-door neighbor), and her 2 visiting teachers that faithfully served her for years. Every time I would call (which wasn't as often as I should have) or visit (again, not as often as I should have) I would ask how she was doing and after a cursory answer, she would immediately turn the conversation to me and how/what I was doing. Who of us can truly say that we truly knew Grandma? Other than things that I would hear from family, I can't say I feel like I knew her how I wanted to know her. Despite how private she was, she was always looking for people to help. Several years ago, Mom found that Grandma was sending money to many different charities (most of which were fraudulant...going to the same address in Las Vegas). She wanted to help though. At the same time, Mom also found that she was getting solicitations from many different "sweepstakes" companies that required a small cash amount (usuallly $10-$20) to enter her into the "sweepstakes". When Mom asked why she was entering, she started naming off members of her family that she felt could use the help. It wasn't for her, it was for all of us. Mom had to start monitoring the mail that day.
Every day for the past several years, my mother has gone at least once a day to Grandma's. She has taked care of the medication. She has made sure that she ate (on Friday she had to feed her, since Grandma could no longer grasp the fork). She has gone through most of the hundreds if not thousands of photographs trying to identify them for her. She took Grandma to hair appointments, doctors appointments, shopping. After Grandma couldn't leave the house without a great deal of effort and with a lot of pain, Mom found a doctor that would come to the house. She arranged the life alert button and was the one that they would call (at all hours) if Grandma had fallen. She would be the one to help Grandma up if she fell. She cleaned Grandma up if she had an accident. She is the one that Grandma would snap and snipe at as the dementia set in. She arranged for the hair appointment for Grandma each week. When Grandma's food tastes changed, she went to Subway for months on end and bought her club sandwich. Then when they changed again, she went to Carl's Jr. for their Chicken Club sandwich. Again for months on end. The only days that she didn't go to Grandma's was when either she or David were sick and she didn't want to expose Grandma. It has only been in the last couple of months that there has been a nurse there full time. She is the one that sat with Grandma each night and held her in the last months of her life. Grandma always loved that it was just the two of them and often commented that this was just how she wanted it to be....just the two of them. She is the one that put her to bed each night and tucked her in and stayed with her until she fell asleep. She is the one that made it possible for Grandma to die in her own house. She is Grandma's voice now. I commend her. After the life she lived in that house and with all of the memories, she is the constant that Grandma was. She is Grandma's daughter.
Those of us that love Grandma Thomas are dishonoring her and her memory. Again, I include myself in the "us". I would like to be there with Grandma and my mom. But that is me. This is not about me. This is about Grandma. I have never known my mother to be selfish. If she truly felt that Grandma would want us there, she would have us there despite what Mom wanted. I have my feeling of guilt...the should haves. But this is not the time or the place. I choose to honor my wonderful, spirited, not stubborn just knew her own mind Grandmother AND my mother by staying away and letting Grandma go the way she wanted to go.
I know we will all miss Grandma tremendously and grieve for the hole that she will leave in our lives. I love each member of my family and know my mom does too. I don't wish for there to be discord between any of us especially when we are all missing the same person.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hearing My Own Voice
My oldest is 3 years old, and I am already hearing my voice come back to haunt me. Isn't this supposed to happen later?
We have started a new program with K to help him remember to mind us and behave as well as teach him about money. We have a couple of rolls of pennies and everytime he says thank you, does what he is supposed to do, says okay, etc. he gets to put a penny in a jar. However, on the opposite side, if he whines, throws a fit, etc. Mommy takes a penny away. After supper he gets to take whatever amount is in the jar and "buy" a treat. This could be a candy, little toy, or a few minutes of extra time of Sprout TV. He is terribly excited about this and frankly so am I. I am hoping that this will be enough of a motivator that the whining will stop!
We started this on Monday. Seeing as it was the beginning of my little experiment, I knew that there would be somewhat of a learning curve. We got off to a rough start. He earned several coins, then the whining began. So we went and took a penny out of the jar. He wasn't happy about this, but seemed to understand. We went for a little longer and had some good times, but yet again, he began to whine. This time, when I took him to the jar to take out a penny, he looked up at me and said, "You're killing me, Mom." How do you keep a straight face when that happens? Here I am, trying to be stern and he says that! I heard myself when he said that. How many times have I said those words when he is trying my patience? Oy, my words are already coming back to haunt me! It's too soon!!
We have started a new program with K to help him remember to mind us and behave as well as teach him about money. We have a couple of rolls of pennies and everytime he says thank you, does what he is supposed to do, says okay, etc. he gets to put a penny in a jar. However, on the opposite side, if he whines, throws a fit, etc. Mommy takes a penny away. After supper he gets to take whatever amount is in the jar and "buy" a treat. This could be a candy, little toy, or a few minutes of extra time of Sprout TV. He is terribly excited about this and frankly so am I. I am hoping that this will be enough of a motivator that the whining will stop!
We started this on Monday. Seeing as it was the beginning of my little experiment, I knew that there would be somewhat of a learning curve. We got off to a rough start. He earned several coins, then the whining began. So we went and took a penny out of the jar. He wasn't happy about this, but seemed to understand. We went for a little longer and had some good times, but yet again, he began to whine. This time, when I took him to the jar to take out a penny, he looked up at me and said, "You're killing me, Mom." How do you keep a straight face when that happens? Here I am, trying to be stern and he says that! I heard myself when he said that. How many times have I said those words when he is trying my patience? Oy, my words are already coming back to haunt me! It's too soon!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year, New Resolutions
Okay, so it is a new year...2011, baby! Which means my inevitable list of resolutions. First and foremost is always...yep, lose weight. I mean, come on, why mess with a classic, right? Seriously, I've got a plan...as usual...but this time I really think it will work. Mom got a great idea for exercise that is free, gets me out of the house, and gets the boys moving too. She is going to get a key to the church at least 3 times a week (if not more) and we are going to go there. The kids can run and play ball in the cultural hall, while I run around the cultural hall. Plus, if I take my ipod we can dance too. It will wear the boys out as well as give them some space to move (which will be a nice change from our little home). Plus, I will get to run like I've been dying to do. We started yesterday and it just felt good. I could have stayed there all day.
The other part of my plan is, of course, the food aspect of it. When I get to talk to Heavenly Father, one of my first questions will be, "Why do some people get to eat and eat and gain nothing, while I eat a little and gain 5 lbs for my effort?" Ugh! Anyway, the food aspect...trying to be good with that side of it. I've alotted myself an allowance of 1200-1400 calories a day. I'm trying to focus on mostly fruits and veggies. Lean meats..chicken/turkey/fish, if I eat meats at all...I'm going to try and get most of my protein from other sources...soy, beans, etc. I have made up my mind that I am going to do this right this time. Especially since I'm breastfeeding. I bought this book, Eat Well, Lose Weight, While Breastfeeding. I think it will really help.
My other resolutions are: spend more time working on music stuff with the boys, read the quad this year, and work on things with B.
In other arenas, the boys got to go out (first time for D) and play in the snow. It was so cute. They were both bundled up (D to the point of looking like Randy in A Christmas Story) and were just adorable. D just waddled around, falling down. The first time he fell, he had a hard time getting up. Finally, he spread out his little legs and just threw himself up, flinging his hands out to the sides. Then he just stood there. I was laughing so hard. His little eyes were going back and forth. I took tons of pictures. I'm surprised I got any decent ones with as hard as I was laughing.
After getting all bundled up.
D waddling to the front door.
Grandma getting D to come back to the snow...not too sure about this!
K making "snowmen-angels".
D right after getting up. I have about 8 pictures of him, but they are all pretty much the same because the poor kid wasn't sure what to do next, so he wouldn't move.
The other part of my plan is, of course, the food aspect of it. When I get to talk to Heavenly Father, one of my first questions will be, "Why do some people get to eat and eat and gain nothing, while I eat a little and gain 5 lbs for my effort?" Ugh! Anyway, the food aspect...trying to be good with that side of it. I've alotted myself an allowance of 1200-1400 calories a day. I'm trying to focus on mostly fruits and veggies. Lean meats..chicken/turkey/fish, if I eat meats at all...I'm going to try and get most of my protein from other sources...soy, beans, etc. I have made up my mind that I am going to do this right this time. Especially since I'm breastfeeding. I bought this book, Eat Well, Lose Weight, While Breastfeeding. I think it will really help.
My other resolutions are: spend more time working on music stuff with the boys, read the quad this year, and work on things with B.
In other arenas, the boys got to go out (first time for D) and play in the snow. It was so cute. They were both bundled up (D to the point of looking like Randy in A Christmas Story) and were just adorable. D just waddled around, falling down. The first time he fell, he had a hard time getting up. Finally, he spread out his little legs and just threw himself up, flinging his hands out to the sides. Then he just stood there. I was laughing so hard. His little eyes were going back and forth. I took tons of pictures. I'm surprised I got any decent ones with as hard as I was laughing.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Christmas 2010
So it is December 30th and I am finally getting around to posting Christmas memories for this year. I am behind. Go figure.
K was so excited for Christmas. This is really the first year that he has understood from beginning to end what is going on. Miss Allison at his preschool gave him a picture of a tree and some foam stickers as an advent calendar. So we had the countdown each day that caused some excitement. The week before Christmas he had his school party. Miss Allison had the kids draw names and he couldn't have been more excited to give his little gift to his friend. It was so sweet to watch how excited he got. Then a couple of days before Christmas, he said that he wanted to get something for Daddy, T, Grandma, and Uncle D. I suggested that he might want to get a present for D too if he was going to do that. He sighed and said okay. He picked out the presents he wanted for each person (which just happened to be things he wanted for himself...Reese's PB Cups, etc.)and was so excited to wrap them and put them under the tree.
Christmas morning came and excitement reigned.
We were blessed to have good friends and family that helped us this year and because of them our kids had a marvelous Christmas! We were overwhelmed by the generosity of the people we know and of people we don't know. We are blessed!
K was so excited for Christmas. This is really the first year that he has understood from beginning to end what is going on. Miss Allison at his preschool gave him a picture of a tree and some foam stickers as an advent calendar. So we had the countdown each day that caused some excitement. The week before Christmas he had his school party. Miss Allison had the kids draw names and he couldn't have been more excited to give his little gift to his friend. It was so sweet to watch how excited he got. Then a couple of days before Christmas, he said that he wanted to get something for Daddy, T, Grandma, and Uncle D. I suggested that he might want to get a present for D too if he was going to do that. He sighed and said okay. He picked out the presents he wanted for each person (which just happened to be things he wanted for himself...Reese's PB Cups, etc.)and was so excited to wrap them and put them under the tree.
Christmas morning came and excitement reigned.
We were blessed to have good friends and family that helped us this year and because of them our kids had a marvelous Christmas! We were overwhelmed by the generosity of the people we know and of people we don't know. We are blessed!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
December 2nd, 2010
Okay, so the baking season has started at our house. We've got the first family party coming up on Saturday. One of the traditions is to exchange goodie boxes. So my mom and I are doing a few things each and then splitting the batches. Baking season is a fun time for me in usual circumstances. However, things have gotten a little more complicated since I gave birth 6 weeks ago to T. Since D and T are so close in age, I'm a little overwhelmed. So the plan is to just bust out the breads and candies tomorrow while B is home from work. Then Saturday can be dedicated to cookies.
Not only do we have the party this weekend, but T's blessing is this weekend. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've got to do the baking this weekend, plus make as much as I can of the dinner ahead of time. That way no one will have to wait too long for food after church is over. *big sigh* I am overwhelmed, but I thrive on stuff like this. I do much better all around when I am busy, busy, busy. To the point of insanity busy.
Today was preschool day for K. Apparently he got in a fight (again) with a little friend there. I talked with his teacher and she said they just feed off of each other. Today it was K's fault. He just walked up and knocked over this kids blocks. Next thing they were rollling on the floor. Ugh, I just do not know what to do with that child.
To end on a positive note, B's last day at Walmart is tomorrow. *HUGE sigh* He will be home in the evenings for the month of December. Then it is school. It will be nice to have him home for a little while.
Not only do we have the party this weekend, but T's blessing is this weekend. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've got to do the baking this weekend, plus make as much as I can of the dinner ahead of time. That way no one will have to wait too long for food after church is over. *big sigh* I am overwhelmed, but I thrive on stuff like this. I do much better all around when I am busy, busy, busy. To the point of insanity busy.
Today was preschool day for K. Apparently he got in a fight (again) with a little friend there. I talked with his teacher and she said they just feed off of each other. Today it was K's fault. He just walked up and knocked over this kids blocks. Next thing they were rollling on the floor. Ugh, I just do not know what to do with that child.
To end on a positive note, B's last day at Walmart is tomorrow. *HUGE sigh* He will be home in the evenings for the month of December. Then it is school. It will be nice to have him home for a little while.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)